With Jenson, I was so utterly excited by each ‘first’ he achieved, so proud and desperate to move on to the next thing for a new memory and a picture in his memory book. This time, it’s heartbreaking. I realise how time is flying by and how quick everything is going. Emeline is 12 weeks old and she can do so much already but I want it to stop. I want her tiny little self to be curled up in a ball in my arms like the moment she was delivered.
Jenson wasn’t in his own room particularly early, he was breastfed so the longer he stayed with me the better, he constantly woke up in the night too so it made my life so much easier. The idea of Emeline moving to her own room makes me so anxious, I need her with me. I am so scared to let go to watch her grow up and change. Emie is starting to thrash about in the crib, it’s beautiful her crib, but she is wriggling and moving and attempting to sleep sideways – madam! She still has length in there so I am going to keep her in there but it’s a reminder that soon, something else will change and she will meet another ‘first’.
Emie has lost that foetal snuggly position and now uses her head like a mole to nose around and see what is going on, she is happiest baby so she is always smiling but I wish that warmth of my little baby ball stayed forever. The arms are up over my shoulder and her extra long legs hang down. She looks around to explore and buried her head to flirt when she is shy!
Jenson rolled at 11 weeks, I actually missed it as my mackerel was on fire on the grill in the kitchen! Emeline is almost there, using her legs to turn over and flick. She has such good head control and loves tummy time. Once that starts though, it’s all downhill! Rolling her back to stop her whinging, moving her away from Jenson’s small toys or the corner of furniture, waiting for the next stage where she rolls over and over. I just don’t want that to happen. I want time to stand still.
I totally took Jenson’s baby year for granted, my first baby, I was in awe of everything he could do and did but this time I want it to stop and for her to slow down. I was so excited for him to learn and equally I want Emeline to be a bright little button but I was this day to stay forever, so none of us get older!
I can’t deal with the idea of never having another baby in the house, never having another ‘first’. Not breastfeeding or snuggling a little dot, or even having a baby again, I have enjoyed both my labors. But for now, she is the only baby and who knows what will happen some days I want more, some days I think we are perfect as we are.