As a Mummy, I am constantly questioning myself. My children make me do that and I make myself do that. I want to do the best job possible in being their Mummy, make them so proud and bring them up to be lovely little human beings.
Without fail, every parent doubts themselevs, constantly. All my actions, the morals and behaviours I promote are managed in totally different ways to everyone I know. Not one single person parents the same, yet every one of the children I know are beautiful little people. We all want the best from and for our children but nothing is ever done the same.
My biggest parent failing is bottle and breast feeding, right now. Obviously it changes frequently, sometimes daily! There are so many mixed messages surrounding this and every professional will tell you something different. Both my children have been exclusively breastfed, both my children refuse to take a bottle. With Jenson, I spent a small fortune on a variety of bottles and didn’t start attempting the feeds until he was a little older. In preparation for this, I had a double breast pump and pumped in the early days for Emie to take a bottle, she had no interest, attempting her first bottle on Boxing Day, 5 days old. We are now at 16 weeks and we are not any closer. Jenson survived and eventually took a Mam bottle, this made me relax a bit more when I returned to work but Emeline just does not seem to be budging. I admire parents that ‘get it right’, how do you do that?
I have no idea what else I can do, she just doesn’t seem to get the suckling. She won’t even get a dummy, yet she feeds off me brilliantly. No matter what bottle we try, there is no budging. I have a freezer full of milk which is great for when I need it and when we are weaning but I just want the reassurance that she will have a bottle of she needs too. All these feelings are bittersweet of course because I love breastfeeding, I love the closeness I have, the snuggles that no one else gets and the eye contact and chatter Emeline gives me. It is so easy, wherever we are, to just feed her, during the night and not needing to worry about all the other bits and pieces that bottle feeding brings.
I am feeling very sensitive about the breastfeeding débâcle today. Tomorrow is a new day where I’ll relish in exclusively feeding and Emie not having a bottle, but today, it is on my mind.