I think having choice is important, making choices and being decisive. With the big stuff, I am so decisive, I know what I want but with the little things, it’s a trauma! I have been meaning to order a high chair for Emeline for weeks, yet I can’t decide on the design!
Where possible, Jenson is given choice. He is given choice about his lunch, choices when he isn’t behaving acceptably, choices about what to do with his day (within reason), he is familiar with choice. Other times, he doesn’t get choice at all. He has to attend preschool, he has to come with us when we go out, he has to eat dinner and behave nicely at the dinner table and there are so many other things. I think we have a good balance. Jenson knows about choice, he knows some choices are his responsibility and some choices are down to Mummy and Daddy.
I have spent so long trying to make others happy when actually, Jenson wasn’t. At the weekend, he wants to relax and spend time with his family at home yet there was an unnecessary pressure for us to see our inlaws. I didn’t want to, Scott didn’t want to and Jenson didn’t want to, it was our quality time together. To keep the peace, literally, we would see them. It isn’t enjoyable anymore because of the pressure. It got to the point when at Christmas, Jenson was taken by the inlaws to see Father Christmas, he didn’t want to go, infact he was forced in to going to keep my mother in law happy. She started to cry and turn it around to her, children don’t want to leave their parents but it was made in to a big thing where he should enjoy spending time with them. He does, just when he wants to. Since then, I give him the choice. We are asked frequently, we see them once a week, sometimes once a fortnight if we are busy working or if we have plans at the weekend, perfectly acceptable in my opinion, but we are frequently text to see if we are free. It is so claustrophobic.
Given the choice, Jenson will always chose us, Mummy, Daddy and Emeline. Now, I ask Jenson, I give him the choice. More often that not, he says no, so I say no. I am also beginning to reply with “no, Jenson doesn’t want to”. This is working for us, for me and for Jenson. He has a choice with this, whether it’s going to play or going out for the day, he doesn’t want to go, he wants to stay with us. I am not sure it they believe it but that’s the facts, Jenson doesn’t want to do it and I am not having a battle with him so that egos are rubbed and for Jenson to be paraded around.
Jenson had the choice of dinner this evening, he wanted to cook from ‘I can cook’. We’ve done this before and it wasn’t as successful, I followed Jenson’s instructions whereas I actually should have watched iPlayer! Today, we did sausage kebabs, they were delicious. It was his choice and he did everything! A brilliant choice!
I’ll continue to give him choices when appropriate. He doesn’t need to be in situations where he hasn’t had a choice that is making him unhapp, if he doesn’t need to be!