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I love my Mum

There has been many times, throughout my life, where my mum has driven me potty. Most days, she drives me mad at some point and she can be a bit of a fruit loop at times too but she has the biggest heart too and we are very lucky to have her. There is something special about a mother and daughter relationship and I hope I get that with Emeline. My Mum, would do anything to help us and both my children and I think the world of her. 


I remember the first time I saw her after giving birth to Jenson, I was so pleased to ‘see’ her, our relationship changed in that moment. I knew the love she felt, I knew how proud she felt and I felt proud to have given her a grandson. She knew how I felt having my first child, how excited and exhausted in the same breath. I cried and she cried with me. I immediately understood her reasons, her worry, her love, her battles and her feelings towards me and my sister. As the years have gone by, I have understood her neurotic crazy moments when you totally lose your shit over the smallest thing but in actual fact, it’s a build up of events, or a stress you parent moment you’re protecting little people from that bubbles over. I know how she feels and my respect for her has changed so much since having my own children as well as my love and my patience. On top of that, I am so grateful for her, her endless love and support and sometimes, advice. Often, I don’t want it! 


Whenever we need anything, she will almost always come running, unless the sewing bee is on. No joke. My children idolise her, they have a truly wonderful relationship and I am so reassured that they have such trust in her and adore her as much as she does them. My parents taught me some wonderful lessons, they were always fair, although at the time, it felt like they weren’t. My sister and I were brought up well and have good morals, something I want Jenson and Emeline to have, I want their parenting to filter through mine, although of course I want it to be different and do it my own way with my own style too, it’s a learning journey and one I want to discover but I learnt so many skills from them. Sometimes, it amazes me that my sister and I survived with some things my Mum and Dad say and do… There is a huge generation gap between parenting and grandparenting!

 
I don’t think I say thank you enough, I always say it as I have good manners but I don’t spontaneously thank her. I used to take her for dinner but maternity leave and busy lives has put a stop to that recently. I want her to know I am grateful for what she does for us. 

Today, both children are unwell, and like before, she came over to help with my sanity. Mum went to Lidl to collect bread rolls for Jenson’s soup and biscuits as requested by Jenson in a lovely, long voice message. She then San and cuddled him, then Emeline, then played, then watched a film before leaving for her Sainsburys food shop. We had a nice time chatting and sympathising with Jenson and Emeline and it was such a nice afternoon. 

So, Mum, thank you. For everything over the past 28+ years. More specifically, the recent 4+ where you have shown your value as a Mum as well as a Nana. 

Love you. 

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Emeline’s Christening 

On Sunday, we celebrated our beautiful daughter and her Christening. Emeline was christened at the church Scott and I got married in, and the church that Jenson was also christened in. It holds very fond memories for me. 


I was so excited for this day, having my children christened is important to me. I want them to belong to a community and have comfort and safety in a faith, similar to what I do. Scott is atheist but understands why it is important and supports that for our children. We are always well looked after and we have been very lucky in life, I feel that someone is out their looking out for me and my family and protecting us, I want that for my children.  


Religion can sometimes really confuse me, when bad things happen. That isn’t fair and never seems it, but I guess that’s also the circle of life. I also feel safe and secure that there are reasons and answers to some things too, it’s a mind field. I should and could probably invest more time and understanding in it but I know what I need to and I am happy with that. 


Jenson talks about God and I answer the best way I can. He will attend a Church of England school in September and I am sure that will be give him his own understanding. 


We had an amazing day on Sunday, surrounded by our closest family and friends. We were not traditional and like Jenson, Emeline had 5 wonderful Godparents. Our children did us so proud, they also had a lovely day celebrating and behaved beautifully. I was a very proud Mummy, wife and friend. 

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Talent 

Well, let’s start by saying, I don’t have one. I am ‘good’ at lots of different things but I definitely don’t have a specific talent, or a hobby really. I am so easily distracted too that I rarely complete things. 


My mum and sister on the other hand and brilliant bakers, and cake decorators. I am so lucky, we often have brilliant desert treats after dinner or my sister will do ridiculous amounts of baking. Her flapjacks are amazing! 
Since Jenson has been born, Mum has made and decorated every cake he has needed. Each year, Jenson’s demands get bigger and she never disappoints! 

  • 1st birthday – The Gruffalo
  • 2nd birthday – a farm
  • 3rd birthday – digger cake 
  • 4th birthday – Paw Patrol! 


She also made his christening cake and this weekend, she has made Emeline’s. I find my ideas on Pinterest and send them to her and she makes something spectacular. Everyone always comments on how special they are, especially as Nana made them but also how lovely they are. Recently, mum has been diagnosed with arthritis so she struggles with the finer details a bit more, I hope it never stops her form baking as I know she loves it. I used an eBay shop to buy the sugar craft bits, they arrived in perfect condition and they’re so reasonable for the resources, time and effort that go in. I also bought her bunting stencils – at the time this was ridiculous apparently but after making all the bunting, she got her money’s worth apparently!

So here it is, the beautiful cake for Emeline Charlotte’s christening day! She even sent me a 360 tour!

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Grateful for two healthy, happy children. 

This day, last year is stuck in my memory. Thank god we had a beautiful outcome, Emeline. 


My year two children were about to start their SATs, I was nervous for them. I woke up in the night of  Monday 18th May, I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was bleeding. I panicked and rang my midwife unit who told me ‘not to panic’, easier said than done and that I was to make a doctors appointment for the next day for an emergency scan. 

I woke the next morning and went to work, what ever was happening was happening and I also needed to set things up for the week for my class. Time off as a teacher is ridiculous! It was easier to go to work, sort things out and speak to my headteacher and deputy there. As soon as my headteacher knew, I went sent home immediately. I had my doctors appointment and an emergency scan was booked, for Thursday. Not sure why they’re called emergency for a scan four days later. In the meantime, if the bleedin got worse, or if I experienced more paint I should speak to midwife but I should rest!

All I heard that week, from the doctor, midwives and people I knew was: 

It is normal to lose blood in pregnancy, it’s very common.

Thats great, but right now, I don’t want to hear it. I want to know everything is okay. I also had my 8 week booking in appointment, my midwife was less that sympathetic. She even shared with me many reasons why I could be having a miscarriage, that was reassuring. Especially when she made reference to my BMI and being overweight. Thanks for that. 

I left that appointment, deflated, stressed and upset. At that point, I decided to really look in to homebirth and 121 midwives. My friend had given birth a few days earlier, and had a wonderful homebirth with their guidance. 

My scan day arrived, I had relaxed and rested as much as possible for the week, Jenson was looked after by my Mum like normal, so it was just me at home. Scott and I filled out the questionnaire and waited to be called. There was a doctor, midwife and sonographer present, that was daunting. My bladder was too full, so it was squashing my uterus, I needed to empty it for the scan. 

It felt like 76 years but eventually, our little dot was found. There was no clear evidence of where the bleeding had come from, but a tiny seed on the screen had a strong heartbeat. I cried. 


A year later, I am so grateful for Emeline. To imagine life without her now makes my heart sink. I am so lucky that my bleeding wasn’t a miscarriage, but it felt like the worst week. The stress, worry and anticipation. The desperate need for everything to be okay. 

I feel overwhelmly emotional today. I treasure her and our moments together. Thank you Emeline for brightening our world! 

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Rye Harbour

Last week, we had our second caravan holiday of the year. This one wasn’t with Haven, and the park or caravan wasn’t as nice as our prestige one at Littleseas but it was clean, modern and we had central heating, and two bathrooms to Jenson’s delight. This holiday, I went away with my parents and both Jenson and Emeline. My parents had the double room, Jenson had his own room with the beds pushed together and Emeline and I shared a room. Park Holidays were far more accommodating to having Emeline in with me, they removed a bed so she could come in the single room with me.


We stayed at Rye Harbour, a beautiful location near a nature reserve. The sound of the birds first thing was mesmerising. Most days, we took a stroll past the harbour and listened to the birds. Across the harbour was Camber Sands, the beach looked clean, bright and just beautiful. We were so lucky with the weather, it was foggy most mornings but that lifted to sunny days. We even came home with a suntan! Over the week, we visited Rye, Hastings and Camber Sands. 


Rye was nice, a quaint little town that was hard to work out how to drive around! Hastings was an extra special treat, Jenson rode the miniature railway, we wandered around and looked around the small museums. We then had fish and chips on the beach and watched the Lifeboat training, Jenson was in his element. On Thursday, the sun beamed as soon as it came up. Of course, on the journey to Camber Sands, it started to rain. We arrived and searched for a reasonable car park, but they were all ridiculously expensive. £10 for 3-6 hours!  The beach was stunning, the sea was out and there was a lovely breeze. We set up our new Lidl beach tent, a bargain at £12.99, Jenson has has his diggers and bucket and spade and we were set for the day. We enjoyed our picnic on the blanket and ran in and out of the sea all day, finishing with an ice-cream. 

It was a lovely week, I really recommend a British holiday. We live in a beautiful country with lovely locations, the weather will often let us down but even in the rain and sun, it’s down to who you spend it with. Jenson and Emeline were so lucky to spend the week with Nana and Grandad, as was I and as were they. 

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Could we be anymore British?!

The weather is beautiful this weekend, in particular, today. It’s so warm and there is a slight breeze so you don’t realise how hot the sun is

In line with British Tradition, we rushed off to Lidl (we weren’t one of the many that queued waiting for it to open though,  desperardoes!!) to get BBQ food! 

Everyone was dressed in appropriate summer attire, caked in suncream and wearing sun hats. We returned home to play in our garden which is beautiful compared to this time last year, Scott mowed the grass, essential in sunny weather and I hung out the washing – we had the smallest pile, it didn’t need doing, but it was a “lovely day for it“! 


Jenson has been in his element, we had the paddling pool out for a while and we played on the swings and slide. I then got the garden tray out and we built a dinosaur city with mud, water and some of the cut grass. He was able to get as messy as he liked and he was in his element. We ate our lunch outside, it would be rude not to! Finally, Jenson and I got the chalks out and played noughts and crosses on the patio, he won, which I let him! 



To finish off our day, we have made ice-lollies with fresh orange and strawberries and I’ll need endless amounts of aloe Vera on my shoulders because of my sunburn – no matter how much cream I add! Emeline even has some breast milk lollies in the freezer! 


Welcome, British Summer Time! We are so ready for a warm and wonderful one! 

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Baby weight

An on going battle for almost everyone I know is their weight. Rightly or wrongly, what ever anyone else thinks, if you are not happy, you are not happy. It’s hard to take someone seriously when they appear to be size 8 and have a gorgeous figure but that’s how they feel and it is important to remember to be sensitive to that. Body image is so negative these days, everyone is under fire and criticised, celebrities for being too thin, or being airbrushed, celebrities who are trying to lose weight or who are overweight and celebrities who are totally in love with their body but apparently they couldn’t possibly be. It’s horrible pressure and impacts women and girls everywhere. 

My problem is my hate for exercise and my love of food! 

I tried really hard during my pregnancy to maintain my weight and keep healthy. I used Slimming World for my diet and exercised. As a result, once I had my daughter, I weighed less than what I did at the beginning of my pregnancy. I felt pretty amazing once I had Emie, once you’ve had a baby it is the slimmest you’ve been in months so naturally you feel like you’ve lost loads of weight, which you have by giving birth, ha! My weight has been pretty consistent since having Emeline but is slowly dropping off, I have a waist for the first time in years and my pre-pregnancy clothes are lose. I am trying to eat healthily and I walk everyday, I also have some exercise DVDs that have managed to escape their plastic, I am yet to use these but I will do soon! Emeline is feeding so well too and it is well known that breastfeeding helps with weight loss. 

I am not totally disgusted with my body, I’d like to lose weight and I hate myself in photos but I don’t mind it too much. I know I need to be more motivated to lose weight and get to my ‘wedding day’ figure which I worked hard for but that will take so long and I just don’t feel fully committed with Emeline’s feedings making me so hungry! 

My thighs and bum are my biggest, I’ve always been bigger with each of those and they are the parts I hate the most. I’d like my arms to lose weight too, but they will as my weight drops. I am gettin a waste back which I love, I’ve always been quite lucky and had a smaller waist! My face has lost weight which is nice, that’s what people see first! My tummy is relatively ‘flat’, I have my baby pouch which I am quite fond of but my weight goes to my bum so the tummy doesn’t have that many rolls. 

Most of my girlfriends are having the same problems. One of my friends is looking for a dress for Emeline’s christening and can’t seem to find anything other than mega expensive dresses which is standard when you’re looking. It my eyes, she always looks lovely, slim and happy and confident. Sometimes, it would be so much nicer to see yourself through other eyes. I was wary about wearing a dress today that I also wore when pregnant and she replied that I looked amazing. I wouldn’t go that far but it made me feel good! 

Top right with a 5 month baby

 

I’ll get there with my weight loss, one day. It is hard to describe how I feel, I am happy but I worry what other people think which is the worst thing, our negative society when at the moment I should be focusing on my baby and feeding.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to read and look at Boots Body Confidence boosting messages which I LOVE! Almost as much as I love cake!!