This day, last year is stuck in my memory. Thank god we had a beautiful outcome, Emeline.
My year two children were about to start their SATs, I was nervous for them. I woke up in the night of Monday 18th May, I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was bleeding. I panicked and rang my midwife unit who told me ‘not to panic’, easier said than done and that I was to make a doctors appointment for the next day for an emergency scan.
I woke the next morning and went to work, what ever was happening was happening and I also needed to set things up for the week for my class. Time off as a teacher is ridiculous! It was easier to go to work, sort things out and speak to my headteacher and deputy there. As soon as my headteacher knew, I went sent home immediately. I had my doctors appointment and an emergency scan was booked, for Thursday. Not sure why they’re called emergency for a scan four days later. In the meantime, if the bleedin got worse, or if I experienced more paint I should speak to midwife but I should rest!
All I heard that week, from the doctor, midwives and people I knew was:
It is normal to lose blood in pregnancy, it’s very common.
Thats great, but right now, I don’t want to hear it. I want to know everything is okay. I also had my 8 week booking in appointment, my midwife was less that sympathetic. She even shared with me many reasons why I could be having a miscarriage, that was reassuring. Especially when she made reference to my BMI and being overweight. Thanks for that.
I left that appointment, deflated, stressed and upset. At that point, I decided to really look in to homebirth and 121 midwives. My friend had given birth a few days earlier, and had a wonderful homebirth with their guidance.
My scan day arrived, I had relaxed and rested as much as possible for the week, Jenson was looked after by my Mum like normal, so it was just me at home. Scott and I filled out the questionnaire and waited to be called. There was a doctor, midwife and sonographer present, that was daunting. My bladder was too full, so it was squashing my uterus, I needed to empty it for the scan.
It felt like 76 years but eventually, our little dot was found. There was no clear evidence of where the bleeding had come from, but a tiny seed on the screen had a strong heartbeat. I cried.
A year later, I am so grateful for Emeline. To imagine life without her now makes my heart sink. I am so lucky that my bleeding wasn’t a miscarriage, but it felt like the worst week. The stress, worry and anticipation. The desperate need for everything to be okay.
I feel overwhelmly emotional today. I treasure her and our moments together. Thank you Emeline for brightening our world!