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It’s hard not being the favourite 

I have had a Mummy’s boy, I experienced first hand being the ‘favourite’. Jenson has always come to me when he needs something, especially cuddles. He is a typical Mummy’s boy and I have loved it. When I returned to work and Scott looked after him, I remained a firm favourite. Even now, Jenson and Scott bicker and it’s always me that solves their problems, it’s like having two children. 

Jenson has loved me being on maternity leave and me returning to work has been particularly difficult for him. He squeals and comes running when I come home. By Jenson starting school, he isn’t missing me as much, as he is out of the house but he just wants me around. I love that I’ll always get his holidays with him.

Emeline has passed her attachment phase and mummy obsession that every baby goes through.  She is still always so happy to see me but she ‘plays’. Emeline is the ultimate Daddy’s girl. She will always chose to go to him, unless she wants milk. She finds him the funniest and always wants to make him laugh, Scott was the first one to get her kisses when she learnt to do them. 

Since I returned to work, their bond is even stronger. Scott is looking after Emeline and my days, don’t they love it. She has him eating out the palm of her hand, he even finds her removing her sun hat in this ridiculously warm English weather hilarious… That’s not cute! They have been for lunch and played all day, in a few weeks they start a baby group together too at Tumble Tots. 

I don’t even mind that Scott and Emeline have the most amazing bond but I want to be her favourite, I know he adores her so much and more than he does me but I’ve been her sole carer for almost 9 months and carried her for 41 weeks. I should be her favourite. Her reaction when I come home is amazing, she is so happy to see me and then within 20 seconds she wants Scott again. It’ll go in a full circle, she’ll come back to me and I’ll be the favourite again! 

I know when she is older and she wants some beautiful shoes or a spa day, it’ll be me she comes to, so he can have this part of her life. Likewise, I’ll forever try to keep Jenson close and protect him and no doubt Scott will be encouraging him to play sport. Parenting works in mysterious ways! 

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School Eve

It is starting school eve, Jenson is starting primary school tomorrow. I have been prepared for this day coming as it approached and I have been reasonably calm about it. Having spent the last God knows how many months worrying about me returning to work, that is now out the way, so my mind has nothing else to distract itself with. 

On Friday, I was on playground duty. A new reception starter came to me crying as she missed her Mummy, my heart broke, I cuddled her and even got her a cheeky packet of raisins. A second child came crying to me because she needed the toilet and didn’t know where they were, a year six pupil took her off. It was then that I realised this is how my boy will be feeling. My heart sank and that anxious tummy feeling appeared. 

For weeks, Jenson has been asking “how long”. This week in particular, we have been working in sleeps. The excitement and anticipation as it arrived has been so lovely to see. 

Today, has been a big day. We have been talking about Jenson’s “big day” and he knows tomorrow is so special. We chose his uniform and laid it out ready for the morning, we packed his PE bag and book bag, Jenson chose his school dinners and then we made his snack. His school shoes are by the front door along with his box which has his favourite things and things that are all about him, it’s full of tractors, photos of his family, days out, gadgets and Jenson’s best memories. 

I have been in the worst mood today, very emotional and worried about him. I’ve tried to explain his day to him the best way I can, knowing exactly about a school day and comparing it to my own school but his reply of:

“I know Mummy, nursery told me.” 

That fills me with such confidence, he is ready. He feels ready and he feels safe and in the knowledge that he knows what to do. I am panicking though, what about when he goes for dinner? Will he like it? Will he eat it? Will they cut his dinner? What if he knocks something over? It’s all so little and I know I adore the children at my school help each and every one where possible but Jenson is my baby. What if he can’t find the toilet? What if he just wants a cuddle? What if he is tired? So much is going through my head. 

I can’t wait to see his classroom, the new furniture and how it is set up. I want to see his peg and tray label and appreciate the time and effort his class teacher went to during her holidays to make it extra special for my boy. Jenson is a dream child to me, he is my son and I adore him more than life itself. He is also the type of a child a teacher loves, so enthusiastic and keen, cheeky and loving, chatty, thoughtful and hardworking. 

I can’t wait to walk with him, hand in hand to his new adventure. He has chosen shorts and a fleece for tomorrow and then school dinners so the excitement of a packed lunch and other uniform on different days is too exciting. 

Good luck my gorgeous boy, you are going to smash it.

Reach for the moon little one, even if you miss, you’ll be amongst the stars. 

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A whirlwind weekend

We have had a pretty crappy weekend, it started on Friday when Emeline didn’t eat any dinner and went down hill from there. 

I was woken by Emeline in the night by tears, it frightened me as it’s an unfamiliar sound for her anyway but as I picked her up, she was so hot to touch. I didn’t even need a thermometer to check she had a temperature, I checked though and she was 38. I went straight for Nurofen as she was clearly unwell. After our usual battle with medicine and Emeline, she settled back down but continued to wake and her temperature continued to spike. Throughout the day, I gave her paracetamol and ibuprofen and put it down to teething.

Scott woke up around 3ish as he had been on nights, even with her high doses of pain killers, she reached 40.1. We spoke to 111, NHS direct, an amazing resource that is worth it’s weight in gold. They advised us to get us to A&E within the next 1/2 hours to an hour. Immediately, we organised Jenson some childcare and packed Emeline up. 

We arrived and checked her in to A&E, having her notes from the call meant she was immediately seen in triage for her stats to be checked in the children’s area. Within the hour, she had had more medication to ease her temperature and a doctor, with no visible evidence of what was going on, we were admitted to the children’s ward, Phoenix Ward for further tests and observation. I felt myself panic for the first time, unsure of what this meant. Emeline’s high dose of pain killers meant her temperature began to drop and that she started showing her beautiful smile. 

Loving life after painkillers at Broomfield

A doctor examined Emeline’s ears and throat immediately and noticed some pus on her tonsils. My poor baby. I know the ridiculous pain that does with tonsillitis and my poor baby had it. We had Emeline on a bed and encouraged her to sleep, it was late at night and she was exhausted as it was. Emeline could not relax at all. She was given a dose of antibiotics and that was a barrel of laughs! She did not enjoy that at all! The doctor came back later to take swabs of her pus – hideous experience. 

It’s funny how Scott and I immediately fall in to our roles in these situations, Scott is always the one to hold the baby down as such. I am so soft and too squeamish to do that myself. I am so grateful he takes this role, he is the calm cucumber who listens whereas I immediately panic and worry. He rationalises and listens and waits. 

The ‘fear face’ when a doctor approached

Each time a doctor came near Emeline, she began to panic. The poking and proding had taken its toll and became too much and she cried whenever they came near. That said, and realising it was tonsillitis we were armed with antibiotics and a care plan and sent home. We were able to go back if we weren’t happen or if things weren’t as we are expected. We arrived home, went upstairs and I got changed for bed ready to feed Emeline and Scott started to change her, then he said: 

Call an ambulance, she can’t breath”

 I panicked as I heard those words and rushed to see them. Emeline was white, blue around the mouth and blotchy faced. It looked like an allergic reaction but she couldn’t catch her breath. I dialed 999 and gave all the information, the ambulance was here within minutes, there was no wait at all. The response was fantastic. Emeline then threw up a load of green pus that had gathered at the back of her throat and cleared and she caught her breath before the ambulance arrived, they were obviously concerned for her seeing the state she was in. They took observations again although they struggled to monitor her breathing as she was in such a state. Her blood sugars were incredibly low but her temperature was normal. They observed her for a while and Scott was sent off to get some non sugar free calpol. Once her sugars were up and she was calmer, they were happy to leave us home on the conditions we monitored her temperature and checked her throughout the night, using our sensor mat and baby monitor. They stayed with us until we were all completely happy. The most amazing service. 

Yesterday, we recovered. Constant doses of medicine and very little sleep. Jenson spent the day with my parents but came home and was delighted to see his little sister. 

We had a rough night again last night but a much better day today. She has been up and down and continued to sleep a lot but has finally had some solid food. She has fed constantly though so my boobs have been fully abused. I am so grateful she is alright, she terrified me Saturday night and I’ll take sore boobs over that a million times over. 

Jenson has been amazing today, we had planned at day to Bewilderwood before he started school and had tickets booked. I rang this morning and they’ve said we can change the booking. Jenson had the option to go with Daddy alone but he preferred to stay home to look after Emeline today and said that we can go as a family. He is so thoughtful and selfless. He didn’t care about his day at all and I am so proud of those qualities in him. 

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The claws are out!

We had the nicest family day at a Marsh Farm last week. I went on my own with both children and it was a ridiculously warm day. 

We had a fantastic day, we fed animals, played on the park and had a tractor ride. The parks are huge and so much space for running around, in fact, the staff are also incredible and make the day even better for your family. So child orientated and animated. Each and every time we have been, they’ve entertained us no end. There is just so much to do, endless fun.

The fun had to come to an halt whilst I fed Emeline, as it was so hot, I took Jenson in to soft play and say where I could see him. Feeding Emeline, I sat and watched him like a hawk. At 4 years old, this is the first time he has ever been in to soft play alone. Protective Mummy has always sent Mummy in with him and today proved why. 

Whilst I sat their watching Jenson, I noticed his smile as he ran around bouncing and jumping, up and down different parts and sliding down slides. Then he stopped. He didn’t go down a slide, and instead it looked like he fell backwards, the prickles of my neck were up. At that point, he came running to me, sobbing with tears streaming down his face, a picture that I never see and cried out 

“Mummy, a boy is fighting me” 

My heart shattered and I was immediately up on my feet, Emeline in shock that her feed was cut short and outraged that I had started to put my boob away and finalise her feeding. I immediately went to find the child and the parent, as we approached them, another parent was already discussing the kids aggressive and violent behaviour. Not only had he punched Jenson in the stomach and face, he also hit two other little girls. 

The bit that bothered me the most was the mothers inabability to recognise her child was in the wrong, there was no way of her child apologising or for her to make him. His behaviour was not okay and it wasn’t picked up on nor was he provided with a consequence for his actions. His mum palmed it off as childish behaviour. No thanks. Sort your kid out. I found myself becoming more and more angry at the mother and how poorly she dealt with it, making it seem to Jenson that the actions of the little boy were okay when they were absolutely not okay.

I understand that not everyone parents the same, I just felt such injustice for Jenson. It is my job to protect him and I struggled so much to deal with the fact that I didn’t, I was so upset that I was feeding Emeline so I therefore wasn’t there for Jenson and someone else hurt him. I then couldn’t do anything to help him by showing him that what the little boy did was wrong. Jenson knows right from wrong and I am so proud to have taught him that and that he didn’t retaliate. Naturally, I told him that Santa won’t be sending him anything so thay reassured him slightly! 

To make it slightly better, I made sure we were able to stay a little longer and do some more activities. I let him choose where we were going for dinner and generally spoil him. For now, I am proud of my wonderful child and I am winning at parenting with his behaviour and manners.

Karma will get that kid… more fool him!