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School Eve

It is starting school eve, Jenson is starting primary school tomorrow. I have been prepared for this day coming as it approached and I have been reasonably calm about it. Having spent the last God knows how many months worrying about me returning to work, that is now out the way, so my mind has nothing else to distract itself with. 

On Friday, I was on playground duty. A new reception starter came to me crying as she missed her Mummy, my heart broke, I cuddled her and even got her a cheeky packet of raisins. A second child came crying to me because she needed the toilet and didn’t know where they were, a year six pupil took her off. It was then that I realised this is how my boy will be feeling. My heart sank and that anxious tummy feeling appeared. 

For weeks, Jenson has been asking “how long”. This week in particular, we have been working in sleeps. The excitement and anticipation as it arrived has been so lovely to see. 

Today, has been a big day. We have been talking about Jenson’s “big day” and he knows tomorrow is so special. We chose his uniform and laid it out ready for the morning, we packed his PE bag and book bag, Jenson chose his school dinners and then we made his snack. His school shoes are by the front door along with his box which has his favourite things and things that are all about him, it’s full of tractors, photos of his family, days out, gadgets and Jenson’s best memories. 

I have been in the worst mood today, very emotional and worried about him. I’ve tried to explain his day to him the best way I can, knowing exactly about a school day and comparing it to my own school but his reply of:

“I know Mummy, nursery told me.” 

That fills me with such confidence, he is ready. He feels ready and he feels safe and in the knowledge that he knows what to do. I am panicking though, what about when he goes for dinner? Will he like it? Will he eat it? Will they cut his dinner? What if he knocks something over? It’s all so little and I know I adore the children at my school help each and every one where possible but Jenson is my baby. What if he can’t find the toilet? What if he just wants a cuddle? What if he is tired? So much is going through my head. 

I can’t wait to see his classroom, the new furniture and how it is set up. I want to see his peg and tray label and appreciate the time and effort his class teacher went to during her holidays to make it extra special for my boy. Jenson is a dream child to me, he is my son and I adore him more than life itself. He is also the type of a child a teacher loves, so enthusiastic and keen, cheeky and loving, chatty, thoughtful and hardworking. 

I can’t wait to walk with him, hand in hand to his new adventure. He has chosen shorts and a fleece for tomorrow and then school dinners so the excitement of a packed lunch and other uniform on different days is too exciting. 

Good luck my gorgeous boy, you are going to smash it.

Reach for the moon little one, even if you miss, you’ll be amongst the stars. 

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Why is a boy and girl considered ‘perfect’?

I read a blog post yesterday about expectations of having children, people expecting you to want a girl after a boy and a boy after a girl and it really made me think. 

https://anordinarymummy.wordpress.com/2016/04/05/three-boys-so-youll-try-for-a-girl/

Ever since I announced I was pregnant last April, everyone assumed we ‘hoped’ for a little girl. Sometimes people have preferences, you can’t deny that. I really wanted a little boy first time round. Truth is, Scott really did. He really wanted a little girl but I didn’t actually mind at all. Infact, I was really expecting a little boy and wanted another one. I loved the name we had chosen for our ‘boy’, whilst we waited, we were team yellow. Throughout my pregnancy my inklings towards the baby being a girl or boy changed day to day, the pregnancy was similar, I had sickness but the cravings were so different. Of course we did all the wives tales and I looked at the skull theory because I was excited about our baby and wanting to know, everyone loves a surprise and I love waiting but I still wanted to know what my baby was, like I wanted to know what they would look like, smell like, weigh etc.  

Both at 16 weeks and finding Daddy hilarious

We had a growth scan at 34 weeks and the sonographer referred to our baby as a ‘she’. Naturally, I totally lost my s***! She claimed it was a slip of the tongue and hadn’t seen but now I think she did know and it was a slip of the tongue by announcing accidentally. The poor woman wanted to ground to eat her up! In no way, did I feel any different towards my bump. My excitement remained and I could not wait to meet my little person.  

Jenson on the left and Emeline on the right.

Once our baby arrived and was delivered, I held them in the pool, the cord was really short so the baby stayed low down in the water. Squealing in delight at the arrival on our little person, the little person was the spitting image of her brother. We didn’t even look. We presumed our baby was another boy and the delight was pure. The midwife reminded us to ‘check’ after referring to our baby as a ‘he’ and our baby was infact a little ‘she’.  

Two peas in a pod. J on left and E on the right

My feelings did not change. We still had a beautiful, healthy baby, who I loved and adored with every inch of me. 

Then the announcement came. Almost everybody replied with:

“Awww, perfect, one of each!”

I found this comment so insulting and the more I heard it, the angrier I got. The only thing perfect about my two children, other than everything because they are mine, is that they are both healthy. It makes no difference of their gender and it still doesn’t. I am sure as they get older the balance of boys and girls will shine through, but currently it makes absolutely no difference. I do need some girlyness in my life, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing better than being farted in the face and constantly cleaning the toilet seat and generally being harassed by my 4 year old but the idea of spa days and nail painting makes me daydream for hours. I was never that girl, I am now, but I wasn’t as I grew up so I can’t expect Emeline to be the same. The fact that I sit painting Jenson’s nails also makes me laugh, screw you stereotypical expectations!  

 

The ridiculous comments continued and I am so pleased people are happy for us, don’t get me wrong, but it just wound me up that people were so naive and I guess a little insensitive,  I am also not sure why I felt so defensive about it. I have people close to me who struggle to conceive and infertility is also close to home so I know not to take it for granted. It got worse with some comments, such as:

“You are so lucky to have a boy and a girl”

I did snap at that, no, I am lucky I can have children and I am so lucky that so far, they are healthy and bloody gorgeous. 

“Wow, you’ve done it the right way, a boy and then a girl for him to look after.”

I can guarantee this girl will hold her own, especially if she is like her Mummy! Who even knew there was a right way to have children? It’s like you have a choice!

Immediately, it is assumed that we will not have any more children because why would we?! We have a boy and a girl!! I actually couldn’t say whether we would have anymore as there are a million other things to think about but I also feel I want to as the perfect ‘2:4’ family drives me insane and I don’t want to be on that pedestal! 

Each and every single child is a blessing, a beautiful gift that I will be forever grateful for, I love my two, more than anything and I know that a mum of 28 boys or 28 girls would feel exactly the same.  I know everyone is different and some feel disappointed but long term, how could you be? Most parents are proud of their children for who they are and love them for that exact reason, not because they are a girl or boy!!