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Lucky Mummy

I know I am a lucky Mummy. I have two wonderful children who are healthy and absolutely gorgeous. So far, they are well behaved and they’ve made my “Mummy dreams” come true! 

But… I know that. I know all that.
I think I take Emeline for granted. I say think because I appreciate every ounce of her and spend all the time I can with her and her beautiful self. 

Emeline is such an easy baby and I take that for granted. Whenever we go anywhere, she just comes along and sits her pushchair. She doesn’t make a fuss and just watches the world go by. Everyone said that the second baby will just fit in and go along with life but I also expected her to be a little more demanding, something she totally isn’t. 

I have blitzed the house this week and she sat on the floor and just played with her toys, dancing to the music on the TV and chatting and shouting at me. She didn’t make a fuss. She just watched and enjoyed looking around, I stopped for feeding and to cuddle her and in those moments, I realised that I wanted to cuddle her more to just enjoy her and her angelic ways. 

On days when we are out for Jenson, like last week at Country File. She spent the whole time in her pram, she notices and talks to the people we pass and chews on her toys. Emeline loves looking around. It got to about 3pm and I realised how much I missed her, she had been there all day but I missed her, I missed her cuddles and playing with her and just being with her. I took her for granted that she just enjoys life happily. I could have worn her in her sling, or had her out for longer playing and feeding but I did what I needed to and put her back in for Jenson’s day out. I totally took her loveliness for granted and I feel sad. I also feel torn, it makes life easy that Jenson can enjoy a day as he is more demanding at the moment and being the summer holidays, he needs to be entertained. 

I do wonder if this is 2nd child syndrome overall really, they all plod along and don’t get that 1:1 care the first child had, I know that happens. It won’t always be like this or this easy, so I’ll enjoy it and squidgy her up as much as I can. No doubt she will be a terror of a toddler or a teenager! 

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Nothing stronger than a sibling bond!

I have adored watching Jenson and Emeline’s relationship develop over the last year, although she is 5 months, the moment he had his own scan picture next to his bed was when he fell in love with her.

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He wished and wanted for a little sister and he was convinved the baby was a girl, we began to question if we should find out incase he had a brother but we decided to keep it a surprise as he would be smitten regardless! Isn’t that the truth!

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Why is a boy and girl considered ‘perfect’?

I read a blog post yesterday about expectations of having children, people expecting you to want a girl after a boy and a boy after a girl and it really made me think. 

https://anordinarymummy.wordpress.com/2016/04/05/three-boys-so-youll-try-for-a-girl/

Ever since I announced I was pregnant last April, everyone assumed we ‘hoped’ for a little girl. Sometimes people have preferences, you can’t deny that. I really wanted a little boy first time round. Truth is, Scott really did. He really wanted a little girl but I didn’t actually mind at all. Infact, I was really expecting a little boy and wanted another one. I loved the name we had chosen for our ‘boy’, whilst we waited, we were team yellow. Throughout my pregnancy my inklings towards the baby being a girl or boy changed day to day, the pregnancy was similar, I had sickness but the cravings were so different. Of course we did all the wives tales and I looked at the skull theory because I was excited about our baby and wanting to know, everyone loves a surprise and I love waiting but I still wanted to know what my baby was, like I wanted to know what they would look like, smell like, weigh etc.  

Both at 16 weeks and finding Daddy hilarious

We had a growth scan at 34 weeks and the sonographer referred to our baby as a ‘she’. Naturally, I totally lost my s***! She claimed it was a slip of the tongue and hadn’t seen but now I think she did know and it was a slip of the tongue by announcing accidentally. The poor woman wanted to ground to eat her up! In no way, did I feel any different towards my bump. My excitement remained and I could not wait to meet my little person.  

Jenson on the left and Emeline on the right.

Once our baby arrived and was delivered, I held them in the pool, the cord was really short so the baby stayed low down in the water. Squealing in delight at the arrival on our little person, the little person was the spitting image of her brother. We didn’t even look. We presumed our baby was another boy and the delight was pure. The midwife reminded us to ‘check’ after referring to our baby as a ‘he’ and our baby was infact a little ‘she’.  

Two peas in a pod. J on left and E on the right

My feelings did not change. We still had a beautiful, healthy baby, who I loved and adored with every inch of me. 

Then the announcement came. Almost everybody replied with:

“Awww, perfect, one of each!”

I found this comment so insulting and the more I heard it, the angrier I got. The only thing perfect about my two children, other than everything because they are mine, is that they are both healthy. It makes no difference of their gender and it still doesn’t. I am sure as they get older the balance of boys and girls will shine through, but currently it makes absolutely no difference. I do need some girlyness in my life, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing better than being farted in the face and constantly cleaning the toilet seat and generally being harassed by my 4 year old but the idea of spa days and nail painting makes me daydream for hours. I was never that girl, I am now, but I wasn’t as I grew up so I can’t expect Emeline to be the same. The fact that I sit painting Jenson’s nails also makes me laugh, screw you stereotypical expectations!  

 

The ridiculous comments continued and I am so pleased people are happy for us, don’t get me wrong, but it just wound me up that people were so naive and I guess a little insensitive,  I am also not sure why I felt so defensive about it. I have people close to me who struggle to conceive and infertility is also close to home so I know not to take it for granted. It got worse with some comments, such as:

“You are so lucky to have a boy and a girl”

I did snap at that, no, I am lucky I can have children and I am so lucky that so far, they are healthy and bloody gorgeous. 

“Wow, you’ve done it the right way, a boy and then a girl for him to look after.”

I can guarantee this girl will hold her own, especially if she is like her Mummy! Who even knew there was a right way to have children? It’s like you have a choice!

Immediately, it is assumed that we will not have any more children because why would we?! We have a boy and a girl!! I actually couldn’t say whether we would have anymore as there are a million other things to think about but I also feel I want to as the perfect ‘2:4’ family drives me insane and I don’t want to be on that pedestal! 

Each and every single child is a blessing, a beautiful gift that I will be forever grateful for, I love my two, more than anything and I know that a mum of 28 boys or 28 girls would feel exactly the same.  I know everyone is different and some feel disappointed but long term, how could you be? Most parents are proud of their children for who they are and love them for that exact reason, not because they are a girl or boy!!

  

  

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Splitting myself in half

Since Emeline has been born we have been so lucky with Jenson, he has had his usual toddler/child moments and tantrums but he is utterly besotted with Emeline. He has been so patient and he is totally in love with her. Jenson hasn’t moaned once about us be needing to look after her, instead he wants to cuddle her and help with the ‘baby’ jobs.   

Jenson and Emeline ‘s first meeting


However, I have felt the most heartbreaking guilt, I never knew it was possible. My love hasn’t changed, I’ve just been able to love them both so much more, aswell as my baby’s but now as brother and sister.

Sharing Daddy

 
The first few days, I actually missed Jenson. He was here from day 1, Emeline was just 3 hours old when he came home and he stayed home. I felt like I had Emeline constantly with me and I couldn’t make time for him, whenever I could, he was always already playing or doing something with Daddy, having Daddy off was a huge novelty so he loved that. I missed out of bedtimes because Emeline needed feeding and as she got bigger she has routined herself to a 7pm bedtime although we try to have stories together and sometimes I manage to put her down early. Jenson could have his bedtime put back slightly so I could manage the two but having Scott around, he also gets that time with Jenson on his own after work. When Scott goes back on shift there will need to be more waiting for Jenson as he will need to go to bed after Emeline.  
 Sometimes I think we were a little hard on him too, we had a lot less patience where we were so tired having a newborn. That does make me laugh considering she only ever woke twice a night from day 1! Even then, Jenson did as we asked and waited or stopped, we had a few ‘no’ battles but he is strong willed anyway! He seemed to be being a little cheekier and pushing his luck at the time but he was just being the gorgeous little pest but we had no patience! 

I also felt so disconnected from him, he had to wait constantly for us as we began to juggle sharing ourselves between the two and he did not wimper or moan once. He waited patiently for his sister’s needs to be met. I have been so immensely proud of the big brother he has become, taking it all in his stride. Jenson coped so well having to wait considering he has been the only child in our worlds and his grandparents, big news for him. Even if I asked Jenson for a cuddle, he would prefer one with Emeline or he was busy. It didn’t take long, almost immediately when Scott went back to work and he needed Mummy again, we snuggled in bed and on the sofa and played with his new toys. I even put Emeline in the sling for walking to nursery. Jenson needed Mummy time too… But Mummy needed it more! 

 This afternoon, Jenson has a school trip which I have been invited on! I am so excited to be going along with him, it’s an Easter egg hunt but obviously I can’t take Emie. She is staying with my Mum but I worry that she will need feeding, I will express some milk for her to take but she doesn’t take a bottle so it won’t be easy. I know she will be fine but she is still so tiny, today I need to be able to split myself in half. They both need me, in two different places!! 

Everyone always says that going from 1 to 2 is the hardest and it was so more harder than I anticipated.