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School Eve

It is starting school eve, Jenson is starting primary school tomorrow. I have been prepared for this day coming as it approached and I have been reasonably calm about it. Having spent the last God knows how many months worrying about me returning to work, that is now out the way, so my mind has nothing else to distract itself with. 

On Friday, I was on playground duty. A new reception starter came to me crying as she missed her Mummy, my heart broke, I cuddled her and even got her a cheeky packet of raisins. A second child came crying to me because she needed the toilet and didn’t know where they were, a year six pupil took her off. It was then that I realised this is how my boy will be feeling. My heart sank and that anxious tummy feeling appeared. 

For weeks, Jenson has been asking “how long”. This week in particular, we have been working in sleeps. The excitement and anticipation as it arrived has been so lovely to see. 

Today, has been a big day. We have been talking about Jenson’s “big day” and he knows tomorrow is so special. We chose his uniform and laid it out ready for the morning, we packed his PE bag and book bag, Jenson chose his school dinners and then we made his snack. His school shoes are by the front door along with his box which has his favourite things and things that are all about him, it’s full of tractors, photos of his family, days out, gadgets and Jenson’s best memories. 

I have been in the worst mood today, very emotional and worried about him. I’ve tried to explain his day to him the best way I can, knowing exactly about a school day and comparing it to my own school but his reply of:

“I know Mummy, nursery told me.” 

That fills me with such confidence, he is ready. He feels ready and he feels safe and in the knowledge that he knows what to do. I am panicking though, what about when he goes for dinner? Will he like it? Will he eat it? Will they cut his dinner? What if he knocks something over? It’s all so little and I know I adore the children at my school help each and every one where possible but Jenson is my baby. What if he can’t find the toilet? What if he just wants a cuddle? What if he is tired? So much is going through my head. 

I can’t wait to see his classroom, the new furniture and how it is set up. I want to see his peg and tray label and appreciate the time and effort his class teacher went to during her holidays to make it extra special for my boy. Jenson is a dream child to me, he is my son and I adore him more than life itself. He is also the type of a child a teacher loves, so enthusiastic and keen, cheeky and loving, chatty, thoughtful and hardworking. 

I can’t wait to walk with him, hand in hand to his new adventure. He has chosen shorts and a fleece for tomorrow and then school dinners so the excitement of a packed lunch and other uniform on different days is too exciting. 

Good luck my gorgeous boy, you are going to smash it.

Reach for the moon little one, even if you miss, you’ll be amongst the stars. 

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A whirlwind weekend

We have had a pretty crappy weekend, it started on Friday when Emeline didn’t eat any dinner and went down hill from there. 

I was woken by Emeline in the night by tears, it frightened me as it’s an unfamiliar sound for her anyway but as I picked her up, she was so hot to touch. I didn’t even need a thermometer to check she had a temperature, I checked though and she was 38. I went straight for Nurofen as she was clearly unwell. After our usual battle with medicine and Emeline, she settled back down but continued to wake and her temperature continued to spike. Throughout the day, I gave her paracetamol and ibuprofen and put it down to teething.

Scott woke up around 3ish as he had been on nights, even with her high doses of pain killers, she reached 40.1. We spoke to 111, NHS direct, an amazing resource that is worth it’s weight in gold. They advised us to get us to A&E within the next 1/2 hours to an hour. Immediately, we organised Jenson some childcare and packed Emeline up. 

We arrived and checked her in to A&E, having her notes from the call meant she was immediately seen in triage for her stats to be checked in the children’s area. Within the hour, she had had more medication to ease her temperature and a doctor, with no visible evidence of what was going on, we were admitted to the children’s ward, Phoenix Ward for further tests and observation. I felt myself panic for the first time, unsure of what this meant. Emeline’s high dose of pain killers meant her temperature began to drop and that she started showing her beautiful smile. 

Loving life after painkillers at Broomfield

A doctor examined Emeline’s ears and throat immediately and noticed some pus on her tonsils. My poor baby. I know the ridiculous pain that does with tonsillitis and my poor baby had it. We had Emeline on a bed and encouraged her to sleep, it was late at night and she was exhausted as it was. Emeline could not relax at all. She was given a dose of antibiotics and that was a barrel of laughs! She did not enjoy that at all! The doctor came back later to take swabs of her pus – hideous experience. 

It’s funny how Scott and I immediately fall in to our roles in these situations, Scott is always the one to hold the baby down as such. I am so soft and too squeamish to do that myself. I am so grateful he takes this role, he is the calm cucumber who listens whereas I immediately panic and worry. He rationalises and listens and waits. 

The ‘fear face’ when a doctor approached

Each time a doctor came near Emeline, she began to panic. The poking and proding had taken its toll and became too much and she cried whenever they came near. That said, and realising it was tonsillitis we were armed with antibiotics and a care plan and sent home. We were able to go back if we weren’t happen or if things weren’t as we are expected. We arrived home, went upstairs and I got changed for bed ready to feed Emeline and Scott started to change her, then he said: 

Call an ambulance, she can’t breath”

 I panicked as I heard those words and rushed to see them. Emeline was white, blue around the mouth and blotchy faced. It looked like an allergic reaction but she couldn’t catch her breath. I dialed 999 and gave all the information, the ambulance was here within minutes, there was no wait at all. The response was fantastic. Emeline then threw up a load of green pus that had gathered at the back of her throat and cleared and she caught her breath before the ambulance arrived, they were obviously concerned for her seeing the state she was in. They took observations again although they struggled to monitor her breathing as she was in such a state. Her blood sugars were incredibly low but her temperature was normal. They observed her for a while and Scott was sent off to get some non sugar free calpol. Once her sugars were up and she was calmer, they were happy to leave us home on the conditions we monitored her temperature and checked her throughout the night, using our sensor mat and baby monitor. They stayed with us until we were all completely happy. The most amazing service. 

Yesterday, we recovered. Constant doses of medicine and very little sleep. Jenson spent the day with my parents but came home and was delighted to see his little sister. 

We had a rough night again last night but a much better day today. She has been up and down and continued to sleep a lot but has finally had some solid food. She has fed constantly though so my boobs have been fully abused. I am so grateful she is alright, she terrified me Saturday night and I’ll take sore boobs over that a million times over. 

Jenson has been amazing today, we had planned at day to Bewilderwood before he started school and had tickets booked. I rang this morning and they’ve said we can change the booking. Jenson had the option to go with Daddy alone but he preferred to stay home to look after Emeline today and said that we can go as a family. He is so thoughtful and selfless. He didn’t care about his day at all and I am so proud of those qualities in him. 

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The claws are out!

We had the nicest family day at a Marsh Farm last week. I went on my own with both children and it was a ridiculously warm day. 

We had a fantastic day, we fed animals, played on the park and had a tractor ride. The parks are huge and so much space for running around, in fact, the staff are also incredible and make the day even better for your family. So child orientated and animated. Each and every time we have been, they’ve entertained us no end. There is just so much to do, endless fun.

The fun had to come to an halt whilst I fed Emeline, as it was so hot, I took Jenson in to soft play and say where I could see him. Feeding Emeline, I sat and watched him like a hawk. At 4 years old, this is the first time he has ever been in to soft play alone. Protective Mummy has always sent Mummy in with him and today proved why. 

Whilst I sat their watching Jenson, I noticed his smile as he ran around bouncing and jumping, up and down different parts and sliding down slides. Then he stopped. He didn’t go down a slide, and instead it looked like he fell backwards, the prickles of my neck were up. At that point, he came running to me, sobbing with tears streaming down his face, a picture that I never see and cried out 

“Mummy, a boy is fighting me” 

My heart shattered and I was immediately up on my feet, Emeline in shock that her feed was cut short and outraged that I had started to put my boob away and finalise her feeding. I immediately went to find the child and the parent, as we approached them, another parent was already discussing the kids aggressive and violent behaviour. Not only had he punched Jenson in the stomach and face, he also hit two other little girls. 

The bit that bothered me the most was the mothers inabability to recognise her child was in the wrong, there was no way of her child apologising or for her to make him. His behaviour was not okay and it wasn’t picked up on nor was he provided with a consequence for his actions. His mum palmed it off as childish behaviour. No thanks. Sort your kid out. I found myself becoming more and more angry at the mother and how poorly she dealt with it, making it seem to Jenson that the actions of the little boy were okay when they were absolutely not okay.

I understand that not everyone parents the same, I just felt such injustice for Jenson. It is my job to protect him and I struggled so much to deal with the fact that I didn’t, I was so upset that I was feeding Emeline so I therefore wasn’t there for Jenson and someone else hurt him. I then couldn’t do anything to help him by showing him that what the little boy did was wrong. Jenson knows right from wrong and I am so proud to have taught him that and that he didn’t retaliate. Naturally, I told him that Santa won’t be sending him anything so thay reassured him slightly! 

To make it slightly better, I made sure we were able to stay a little longer and do some more activities. I let him choose where we were going for dinner and generally spoil him. For now, I am proud of my wonderful child and I am winning at parenting with his behaviour and manners.

Karma will get that kid… more fool him! 

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Lucky Mummy

I know I am a lucky Mummy. I have two wonderful children who are healthy and absolutely gorgeous. So far, they are well behaved and they’ve made my “Mummy dreams” come true! 

But… I know that. I know all that.
I think I take Emeline for granted. I say think because I appreciate every ounce of her and spend all the time I can with her and her beautiful self. 

Emeline is such an easy baby and I take that for granted. Whenever we go anywhere, she just comes along and sits her pushchair. She doesn’t make a fuss and just watches the world go by. Everyone said that the second baby will just fit in and go along with life but I also expected her to be a little more demanding, something she totally isn’t. 

I have blitzed the house this week and she sat on the floor and just played with her toys, dancing to the music on the TV and chatting and shouting at me. She didn’t make a fuss. She just watched and enjoyed looking around, I stopped for feeding and to cuddle her and in those moments, I realised that I wanted to cuddle her more to just enjoy her and her angelic ways. 

On days when we are out for Jenson, like last week at Country File. She spent the whole time in her pram, she notices and talks to the people we pass and chews on her toys. Emeline loves looking around. It got to about 3pm and I realised how much I missed her, she had been there all day but I missed her, I missed her cuddles and playing with her and just being with her. I took her for granted that she just enjoys life happily. I could have worn her in her sling, or had her out for longer playing and feeding but I did what I needed to and put her back in for Jenson’s day out. I totally took her loveliness for granted and I feel sad. I also feel torn, it makes life easy that Jenson can enjoy a day as he is more demanding at the moment and being the summer holidays, he needs to be entertained. 

I do wonder if this is 2nd child syndrome overall really, they all plod along and don’t get that 1:1 care the first child had, I know that happens. It won’t always be like this or this easy, so I’ll enjoy it and squidgy her up as much as I can. No doubt she will be a terror of a toddler or a teenager! 

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Roll on tomorrow

Today has been a bad Mummy day. 

On top of woman hormones which have returned after a long 15 months, Jenson has been the biggest whinge bag and Emeline has been in the most amount of pain from constipation. 

Now, of course, I am trying not to be dramatic and I am not wishing the end of summer away for Jenson to immediately start school, I am a teacher and I can’t wish away this beautiful, summer holiday but I missed nursery a lot today.

I am feeling like the world’s worst mum after losing my shit for the 50,000 time. That’s just today. Jenson has lost the ability to listen or even acknowledge me when I am talking and has developed the whiniest voice known to man. This is followed by 28 million questions yet he can’t even answer or decide when asked what sandwich filler he would like!!! I am a firm believer in carrying out out threats and discipline! So, no bedtime stories was threatened and then he lost that. That’s one of our favourite times of day being just us and Jenson, he loves stories and the absolute last resort but I had counted to 5 about a million times and I was begin to scream like a banshee. Bad parenting!!! We got Jenson out the house to let off steam in an attempt to change his attitude but it just wore him out and made him worse!!! 

Emeline has been constipated since Thursday, this is so unlike her. It is also uncommon as a breastfed baby. She has struggled and strained so much. She finally passed some yesterday but this was not easy for her. She cried and cried and sobbed and sobbed. Lots of leg cycling, baths and cuddles things started to get easier for her, she cut down her meals and has gone back to just breast milk. As a result of her straining, she has a tear in her bottom. The poor little poppet has exhausted herself with crying but she finally has softer stools. Emeline has been waking up with tummy ache and is so tired from her restless nights that she has been snuggling me. She never sleeps snuggling me so that has been a special treat. 

Being the summer holidays, I had lots of lovely fun things planned for my days with the kids but I am still waiting to be paid, usually 26th of the month but they hadn’t realised I had returned to work! This has put a stop to the world being our oyster feeling!!! Worrying about money is the biggest stress. I realise how fortunate we are and I make the choice to work so we can have and do nice things together as a family but we also live to our means, we have survived well on statutory maternity pay and still been able to do lots of lovely things, visited places, gone on days out, ate out and had lots of take aways but I wanted this to be extended over the summer so it’s mega frustrating. Payroll have reassured me I should be paid by the end of the week but that’ll be almost 2 weeks late. Frustrating. 

Not every part of my day was awful, there were glimmers of sparkles and glitter. Every woman needs sparkles and glitter! Last week, we had our milk stolen from our door step, after reporting it to the dairy, they suggested I reported it to the non-emergency police line incase there were more in the area and/or it happened again. I felt ridiculous. I also wanted my order refunded and needed to report it to get our money back, the dairy were fab. However, it was earlier today that our local newspaper reported on a similar incident, which made me howl laughing!!! 

Breaking news:

http://m.braintreeandwithamtimes.co.uk/news/14655009.Thieves_steal_milk_and_bottles_from_outside_a_house/

There were others in our neighbourhood, I certainly didn’t take my milk story to the newspaper!!! 

We also snuggled up and watched Minions on the sofa with lunch – that was disappointing! Our day was made better when Jenson’s school uniform arrived, labelled jumpers, fleeces, pblo shirts and PE kits and we had a fashion show! Can’t believe how grown up he is, nor the expense!!! 

I know that, hopefully, I’ll wake up feeling a bit happier tomorrow. Scott is on nights so I’ll get an early night. I am currently drinking tea and watching series one of Desperate Housewives. Tomorrow is a new day and it’ll all be okay. Jenson would have slept really well and Emeline will be less grumpy. 

Fingers crossed! 

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My role is changing

This week, I put my teacher hat back on.

Since November 13th 2015, I have been ‘Mummy’. Exclusively. On December 21st, my role as Mummy expanded and I was promoted to Mummy of two.

For the last 8 months and 6 days, I have 100% devoted myself to my two little people. Albeit, not 100% all of the time but they have been the centre of my universe. All of this is thanks to Daddy Childs who has worked hard and worked overtime to make sure we had a lovely time during this time too with two holidays and lovely days out. In fact, the kids and I had three holidays! 

Monday was my last day of maternity leave. Technically, I returned to work. Being a teacher, I am returning to work just before the Summer holidays, so on Friday we broke up and I have a further 6 weeks off. I will obviously be moving classrooms and planning for starting in September but, yes, it was planned like that. It’s a teachers prerogative! 

It has flown by. I can’t quite believe Emeline is 7 months, yet, it feels like she has always been here and that I have been off forever. We do, however, need to make some huge adjustments to our life:

  • I need to make lunch for myself and eat it.
  • I need to be up and out the door by 7.45am.
  • I need to pump breastmilk! Both before to prepare Emeline and whilst at work. 
  • I need to be a grown up.
  • I need to have adult conversations. 
  • I have to wear proper clothes. 
  • I have to use my brain. 
  • I have to be professional!!! 

But most of all, Jenson and Emeline need to adjust to me not being around. Likewise, I had to adjust not being with them. We have always had huge family support with the children, so fortunately Scott and my parents will care for the children whilst I work but that doesn’t mean that it won’t be massive to leave them. I feel comfortable and confident leaving Jenson, but I think he will be the worst. I also expect Emeline will get bored of her new cup of milk and will become a rat bag by late afternoon. We have the best feeding cuddles. 
This week, Daddy is in control. The children’s Daddy. However, this morning he mixed coloured washing with dark washing, reminding me that I have been the boss of jobs like that and obviously now everything will go to pot! Never mind the fact that for the last four years, before I went on maternity leave, Scott was the ‘stay at home’ parent, have four days off whilst I worked. 

All these worries and fears are so focused around me. I could bet money on the fact that they’ll wave me off happily and I’ll drive off balling my eyes out!!
Luckily, they had an amazing week. Emeline was more unsettled and didn’t take well to the beaker or bottle of milk but we have the summer to work on that. Jenson enjoyed some time with Scott and even built the bottom of the garage with Grandad. 

I just about survived!!! 

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End of an era

I am sitting here tying to keep my shit together. I can’t. 

September 2014. Jenson’s first day.

It is Jenson’s last day at preschool today. He joined when he was 2 years and 7 months. He leaves at 4 years and 5 months. The journey he has been on since joining is incredible, he has learnt to count and recognise numbers, learn all his letter sounds, read cvc words and actually read a book amongst other things. I am beyond proud of his achievements and what he had accomplished, we have done a lot with him at home but the support he has received from the ‘Aunties’ is incredible. I know how teachers dedicate themselves to the children in their care and I love that he has received this love. 

Jenson loves his nursery, he has always been so happy there. He hasn’t always gone in well and has had his tears but he has made so much progress. His confidence alone has grown so much. He was amazing in his end of year show this week, he spoke loudly and confidently and my heart exploded. He wouldn’t even stand up and dance at the end of last year. 

The nursery go over and above for the children there, they put so much effort in. Jenson received a wonderful end of year report with a gift, poem and a pack for his learning over the summer. His poem was what sent me in to emotional turmoil earlier in the week. 

So, here we are, the end of an era. Jenson said to me this morning:

“Mummy, tomorrow I won’t have nursery anymore”

I am not sure either of us are prepared for today, emotionally or mentally. We have spent so long preparing for big school that actually I hadn’t really thought about leaving nursery. It was only this week that it has really crept up on me.

I am sitting here realising that he must be upset. The women that have been in his life for two years no longer will be. The women who cuddled him when he cried, wiped his tears, grazes and even his bottom. The ladies who laughed with him and even at him and who made him smile and feel safe. The Aunties who taught him so much and made him feel so special, like he could accomplish anything. The girls who sat with him to do activities for surprises at Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. They’ve loved him, disciplined him and cared for him whilst I wasn’t there and I am will forever be grateful for the bond and relationship they have and that grew. 

They have no idea how highly thought of they are in this house and through his eyes. We talk about them constantly, we are excited when we bump in to them in town. They’ve given my boy the best possible start to his learning. I love how they know him so well. His report modelled that, identifying his his little personality and mentioned his favourite things and quirks. Especially how he is a chatter box. I know that he has been happy there and felt safe and it proved it. We made the right choice in sending him there.

15th July 2015. Jenson’s last day at Nursery

So, thank you Christchurch Nursery. You wonderful ladies who we adore. See you in a few years with Emeline, we will be back. (Depending on Emeline, I suppose that could be a threat!!)