Belly button

This is a peculiar post, it isn’t a weird fetish though!

I love Jenson and Emeline’s belly button. When I was younger, my Mum told me I use to play with mine to get myself to sleep which is random! My love for the children’s belly button and me rubbing mine as a child are not connected!

The belly button, to me, symbolises so much and it means so much too. It connected me to them. It was my way of giving them, my baby’s, everything they needed. It fed them and kept them healthy and warm whilst they were in my tummy. Placenta freaks me out but the importance of the cord symbolises so much. I am not the person to create a cord heart ornament but I look at their belly button and it makes me feel all warm.


Scott has cut both Jenson and Emeline’s umbilical cord. Jenson’s was cut immediately as he needed some oxygen but we left Emeline’s until it has finished pulsating. This pregnancy, I decided I wanted a cord tie for when it came to clamping the cord. I was recommended Heartstrings by a midwife from One to One midwifes and I was in love. The designs and art were beautiful but more importantly, the cord ties looked gentle and safe. I settled for a grey elephant with a yellow bow, I later asked the lady to make Emeline a grey hat with a white star for when she was born. The lady is so talented and makes so many different items that can be bought singularly or to match the cord tie of your choice.


Everytime I see Jenson or Emeline’s belly button, I feel all funny and think “that joined you to me”. I love that Emeline had such a special cord and will definitely make sure any future children have the same, it was so much nicer and softer than the clips. My midwife was happy to use the tie even though she hadn’t before, amazingly they come with the cutest package which includes some clear instructions. This meant my midwife was confident in using the tie, it worked well and looked amazing.


Heartstrings order book is always full to the brim. Make sure you order well in advance, although she is so accommodating and lovely and will rush orders through if you’re close to due date. I would definitely recommend her for your crochet needs but also to consider a cord tie.


Grateful for two healthy, happy children. 

This day, last year is stuck in my memory. Thank god we had a beautiful outcome, Emeline. 

My year two children were about to start their SATs, I was nervous for them. I woke up in the night of  Monday 18th May, I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was bleeding. I panicked and rang my midwife unit who told me ‘not to panic’, easier said than done and that I was to make a doctors appointment for the next day for an emergency scan. 

I woke the next morning and went to work, what ever was happening was happening and I also needed to set things up for the week for my class. Time off as a teacher is ridiculous! It was easier to go to work, sort things out and speak to my headteacher and deputy there. As soon as my headteacher knew, I went sent home immediately. I had my doctors appointment and an emergency scan was booked, for Thursday. Not sure why they’re called emergency for a scan four days later. In the meantime, if the bleedin got worse, or if I experienced more paint I should speak to midwife but I should rest!

All I heard that week, from the doctor, midwives and people I knew was: 

It is normal to lose blood in pregnancy, it’s very common.

Thats great, but right now, I don’t want to hear it. I want to know everything is okay. I also had my 8 week booking in appointment, my midwife was less that sympathetic. She even shared with me many reasons why I could be having a miscarriage, that was reassuring. Especially when she made reference to my BMI and being overweight. Thanks for that. 

I left that appointment, deflated, stressed and upset. At that point, I decided to really look in to homebirth and 121 midwives. My friend had given birth a few days earlier, and had a wonderful homebirth with their guidance. 

My scan day arrived, I had relaxed and rested as much as possible for the week, Jenson was looked after by my Mum like normal, so it was just me at home. Scott and I filled out the questionnaire and waited to be called. There was a doctor, midwife and sonographer present, that was daunting. My bladder was too full, so it was squashing my uterus, I needed to empty it for the scan. 

It felt like 76 years but eventually, our little dot was found. There was no clear evidence of where the bleeding had come from, but a tiny seed on the screen had a strong heartbeat. I cried. 

A year later, I am so grateful for Emeline. To imagine life without her now makes my heart sink. I am so lucky that my bleeding wasn’t a miscarriage, but it felt like the worst week. The stress, worry and anticipation. The desperate need for everything to be okay. 

I feel overwhelmly emotional today. I treasure her and our moments together. Thank you Emeline for brightening our world! 


Baby weight

An on going battle for almost everyone I know is their weight. Rightly or wrongly, what ever anyone else thinks, if you are not happy, you are not happy. It’s hard to take someone seriously when they appear to be size 8 and have a gorgeous figure but that’s how they feel and it is important to remember to be sensitive to that. Body image is so negative these days, everyone is under fire and criticised, celebrities for being too thin, or being airbrushed, celebrities who are trying to lose weight or who are overweight and celebrities who are totally in love with their body but apparently they couldn’t possibly be. It’s horrible pressure and impacts women and girls everywhere. 

My problem is my hate for exercise and my love of food! 

I tried really hard during my pregnancy to maintain my weight and keep healthy. I used Slimming World for my diet and exercised. As a result, once I had my daughter, I weighed less than what I did at the beginning of my pregnancy. I felt pretty amazing once I had Emie, once you’ve had a baby it is the slimmest you’ve been in months so naturally you feel like you’ve lost loads of weight, which you have by giving birth, ha! My weight has been pretty consistent since having Emeline but is slowly dropping off, I have a waist for the first time in years and my pre-pregnancy clothes are lose. I am trying to eat healthily and I walk everyday, I also have some exercise DVDs that have managed to escape their plastic, I am yet to use these but I will do soon! Emeline is feeding so well too and it is well known that breastfeeding helps with weight loss. 

I am not totally disgusted with my body, I’d like to lose weight and I hate myself in photos but I don’t mind it too much. I know I need to be more motivated to lose weight and get to my ‘wedding day’ figure which I worked hard for but that will take so long and I just don’t feel fully committed with Emeline’s feedings making me so hungry! 

My thighs and bum are my biggest, I’ve always been bigger with each of those and they are the parts I hate the most. I’d like my arms to lose weight too, but they will as my weight drops. I am gettin a waste back which I love, I’ve always been quite lucky and had a smaller waist! My face has lost weight which is nice, that’s what people see first! My tummy is relatively ‘flat’, I have my baby pouch which I am quite fond of but my weight goes to my bum so the tummy doesn’t have that many rolls. 

Most of my girlfriends are having the same problems. One of my friends is looking for a dress for Emeline’s christening and can’t seem to find anything other than mega expensive dresses which is standard when you’re looking. It my eyes, she always looks lovely, slim and happy and confident. Sometimes, it would be so much nicer to see yourself through other eyes. I was wary about wearing a dress today that I also wore when pregnant and she replied that I looked amazing. I wouldn’t go that far but it made me feel good! 

Top right with a 5 month baby


I’ll get there with my weight loss, one day. It is hard to describe how I feel, I am happy but I worry what other people think which is the worst thing, our negative society when at the moment I should be focusing on my baby and feeding.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to read and look at Boots Body Confidence boosting messages which I LOVE! Almost as much as I love cake!! 


Why is a boy and girl considered ‘perfect’?

I read a blog post yesterday about expectations of having children, people expecting you to want a girl after a boy and a boy after a girl and it really made me think. 


Ever since I announced I was pregnant last April, everyone assumed we ‘hoped’ for a little girl. Sometimes people have preferences, you can’t deny that. I really wanted a little boy first time round. Truth is, Scott really did. He really wanted a little girl but I didn’t actually mind at all. Infact, I was really expecting a little boy and wanted another one. I loved the name we had chosen for our ‘boy’, whilst we waited, we were team yellow. Throughout my pregnancy my inklings towards the baby being a girl or boy changed day to day, the pregnancy was similar, I had sickness but the cravings were so different. Of course we did all the wives tales and I looked at the skull theory because I was excited about our baby and wanting to know, everyone loves a surprise and I love waiting but I still wanted to know what my baby was, like I wanted to know what they would look like, smell like, weigh etc.  

Both at 16 weeks and finding Daddy hilarious

We had a growth scan at 34 weeks and the sonographer referred to our baby as a ‘she’. Naturally, I totally lost my s***! She claimed it was a slip of the tongue and hadn’t seen but now I think she did know and it was a slip of the tongue by announcing accidentally. The poor woman wanted to ground to eat her up! In no way, did I feel any different towards my bump. My excitement remained and I could not wait to meet my little person.  

Jenson on the left and Emeline on the right.

Once our baby arrived and was delivered, I held them in the pool, the cord was really short so the baby stayed low down in the water. Squealing in delight at the arrival on our little person, the little person was the spitting image of her brother. We didn’t even look. We presumed our baby was another boy and the delight was pure. The midwife reminded us to ‘check’ after referring to our baby as a ‘he’ and our baby was infact a little ‘she’.  

Two peas in a pod. J on left and E on the right

My feelings did not change. We still had a beautiful, healthy baby, who I loved and adored with every inch of me. 

Then the announcement came. Almost everybody replied with:

“Awww, perfect, one of each!”

I found this comment so insulting and the more I heard it, the angrier I got. The only thing perfect about my two children, other than everything because they are mine, is that they are both healthy. It makes no difference of their gender and it still doesn’t. I am sure as they get older the balance of boys and girls will shine through, but currently it makes absolutely no difference. I do need some girlyness in my life, don’t get me wrong, there is nothing better than being farted in the face and constantly cleaning the toilet seat and generally being harassed by my 4 year old but the idea of spa days and nail painting makes me daydream for hours. I was never that girl, I am now, but I wasn’t as I grew up so I can’t expect Emeline to be the same. The fact that I sit painting Jenson’s nails also makes me laugh, screw you stereotypical expectations!  


The ridiculous comments continued and I am so pleased people are happy for us, don’t get me wrong, but it just wound me up that people were so naive and I guess a little insensitive,  I am also not sure why I felt so defensive about it. I have people close to me who struggle to conceive and infertility is also close to home so I know not to take it for granted. It got worse with some comments, such as:

“You are so lucky to have a boy and a girl”

I did snap at that, no, I am lucky I can have children and I am so lucky that so far, they are healthy and bloody gorgeous. 

“Wow, you’ve done it the right way, a boy and then a girl for him to look after.”

I can guarantee this girl will hold her own, especially if she is like her Mummy! Who even knew there was a right way to have children? It’s like you have a choice!

Immediately, it is assumed that we will not have any more children because why would we?! We have a boy and a girl!! I actually couldn’t say whether we would have anymore as there are a million other things to think about but I also feel I want to as the perfect ‘2:4’ family drives me insane and I don’t want to be on that pedestal! 

Each and every single child is a blessing, a beautiful gift that I will be forever grateful for, I love my two, more than anything and I know that a mum of 28 boys or 28 girls would feel exactly the same.  I know everyone is different and some feel disappointed but long term, how could you be? Most parents are proud of their children for who they are and love them for that exact reason, not because they are a girl or boy!!





In the lead up to my labor, Scott and I attended hypnobirthing. I had a wonderful labor with Jenson which was very calm so I wanted to makes sure Emeline’s was the same.

One to one midwives offered the class, Free of charge, which in my opinion is amazing considering other people charge a fortune for it. We used a lot of Katherine Graves scripts and music in the classes (Katherine Graves Hypnobirthing) and I found her voice calming, it’s really important that you can relate and calm to the voice I feel. I could listen to her before bed and within moments, I was fast asleep.

 I found the class brilliant, I really invested myself in it and it made me even more excited for labor. We discussed lots of our worries and fears and these were addressed so positively. I am such a positive person that this is what worked best. 

I enjoyed having the music on in labor, and Scott used the techniques that he picked up but I didn’t fully engaged in the absolute silence and the ‘zone’. I was definitely focused but I didn’t mind the midwives talking to me and I found it peculiar with Scott being so positive that he just pissed me off! 

  Katherine Graves sells a selection of different CDs that can be purchased or downloaded as MP3. My favourite tracks were ‘confidence and power’. These tracks focused a lot on removing negativity and I still think of this even after birth. It was totally my favourite. I felt I could push away those negative people and comments! 

I really loved birth affirmations, I didn’t plaster them around my house but I had faith in myself and I believed that everything was going to be okay. I trusted my body and I felt so relaxed, even when I was overdue, I was worried about being induced and decided against it but I felt calm and that my baby would arrive when she was ready and actually, her timing was perfect.     

I would definitely recommend Hypnobirthing, it’s harmless to try and even better that you can access the class for free: 


The best bit being it gave me faith in myself and every woman should be able to trust herself and have faith in herself. It helped me remain calm and having been through labor before, I knew I would survive although I know that it is incredibly nerve wrecking first time round. 

But look at the magic I produced…